BEREAVEMENT : Missing someone isn’t about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you have talked together, it’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and wishing they were right there with you ~ please do remember they still are ~ just over your shoulder because they still love you too.

This is written for Lynda Bellingham as I am just beginning to appreciate how hugely courageous a person she was in the latter stages of her illness

“May she rest in peace”

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May 31, 1948 – October 19, 2014

I have used the .me suffix on this blog because I would never wish to impose myself on anyone.

This suffix will hopefully enable me to do just that, but in her memory, purely and simply because my experience having cancer changed overnight one month ago! No one can ever prepare you for that moment and no one really wants nor perhaps should live their life with that time-bomb potentially ticking.

Thirty years ago I had an operation to remove a kidney stone ~ not so ~ my first cancerous growth the size of a florin.

Twenty years ago I started numerous chemo treatments, day surgery ops and quarterly flexible cystoscopies which continue to this day.

Ten years ago courses of chemo became ineffectual and I started live BCG treatment.

Five years ago I became very ill with suspected TB from my treatment which led to my retirement.

One year ago I had the first major surgery on my bladder and was referred to the Oncology Team for review.

Three months ago I started a cold which became a cough which did not go away.

Two months ago I saw a locum doctor who diagnosed that my immune system was shot to pieces hence my cold virus was not being resisted.

One month ago I had a chest X-ray showing two shadows followed by a CT scan disclosing seven lesions/nodules on my lungs the largest being 24mm.

Secondary Cancer has to be respected as it cannot be cured but best scenario is it can be contained. Having ‘happily’ adapted to a life with bladder cancer I did not consider this outcome from a basic cough/cold!

Two weeks ago after my first CTscan a full body version with contrast die disclosed that the growths had shrunk and the debate started . . . those two weeks held me on ‘death row’ despite my brain begging for a reprieve . . . and there it was!

During the weekend that fell in the middle of my turmoil I made this short film to ‘free’ myself of disabling thought processes

My ‘world’ has now changed and I have a completely new perspective on life, hence this blog which I have now updated!

My story will unfurl into the most extraordinary sequence of events which will be difficult to put into words at times but it must be shared to help others in the same way as Lynda Bellingham has helped me.

One thought on “BEREAVEMENT : Missing someone isn’t about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you have talked together, it’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and wishing they were right there with you ~ please do remember they still are ~ just over your shoulder because they still love you too.

  1. My darling Roger, I’m so sorry I missed you. I saw Daphne today she told me you’d gone. I will think of you with fondness always. i know your still around watching but I wanted you to know I’ll keep an eye on her for you. Love and miss you Roger Mant

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